Drink Coke in Vegas

Everyone in the whole world knows about Coca Cola. Hunter gathers in the Amazon basin have fridge-packs. They might even know the Secret Formula.
Here in America, half the people know about the theory of evolution, the other half thinks Iraq caused the 9/11 attacks, but 100% know the fabulosity of Coke.
Why would this corporation pay good money to advertise?
Because everyone wants to be with the crowd. If it’s approved by Tiger Woods or Tom Cruise, we gotta drink it.
Everyone but me. When a product is advertised, my supermarket buggy won’t make that stop.
I don’t have to work at this, like I do if I go on the exercise machine. It just feels good to hop off the American Crowdmobile as often as possible. That’s my happy place.
So I see in the paper everyone is leaving Michigan. This makes it seem swell to me.
This came to mind the other night in the sports bar, as I’m watching the Pistons with Maggie (they don’t put NBA playoffs on network TV anymore, so we can’t see the games at home). The guy next to us is cellphone-loud, yelling to his buddy, the TV, the world. I avoid eye contact.
He announces that he wants to move to Vegas. He says everyone’s movin’ there. He’s right about that: it’s America’s fastest growing city.
Las Vegas means "the meadows"… musta been named by the same comedian who named "Greenland."
I’m thinking, as the Pistons are busy losing to the Cavs, that Michigan is looking good. Loud morons who crave outsized casinos in the desert are leaving. Are we thinning the herd of the droopy IQ’s?
But I keep hearing that all the educated young people are leaving. That’s bad. Maybe the bar dope won’t make it to Vegas. He’ll get stuck in Lincoln Park, left eating the dust of the brainiacs busting out of the big mitten.
But is it really true? Where are all those Michigan-bred literati headed? Vegas? I think not. LA? Same desert, with longer commutes. It can’t be Buffalo, that’s a downsized Detroit with extra snow. Could it be Florida, with all that plastic? How smart are people that elect that other Bush? They build mansions on barrier islands then act surprised when hurricanes knock em down. The Big Apple would appeal to me. But it’s already overcrowded, and if the rust-belters are heading there, bumping into all those Caribbean islanders coming on board, it’s gonna be sardine-land. Besides, it has a whiny quality that can drive one to hard drink. I love the Northwest, maybe the smarties are Portland-bound. I do know some geniuses there who seem happy. If I go there, maybe I can pass for one.
Then again, Michigan may be just the ticket. In a world headed for ruination of every square meter, less population pressure doesn’t sound too bad. No to Coke. Yes to Faygo.